On Being a Super-Mom...or Not.

Being a mom to 2 boys under 2 has been interesting to say the least. It's a crash-course in multi-tasking. If I wasn't a good multi-tasker before, then I have to be one now as my sanity relies on it. But I think I have developed a pretty successful strategy. 
Let's work through an example.   Situation: Toddler is crying because he is hungry. Baby is crying because he is hungry. House is a mess. Dinner needs to be made because adults will be hungry. Kitty is running around like a maniac. Mom is losing her sanity. 
Step One: Assess the situation You need to prioritize which screaming/crying/tantrum is most urgent, and then attend to that kiddo first.  In this situation, I can hope that Toddler is probably open to some sort of reason. I first try and appease him by giving him the apple he is asking for. If I am lucky, that is the end. I'm never lucky. 
Step Two: Damage Control Most of the time the simple solution of giving my toddler what he wants just results in me not actually grasping what he really wants. For example, he asks for an apple. I assume this means he would like an apple. I am a fool. What he really wants is an apple, but only after being offered 3 other things, and then he wants it cut in a certain way, in his blue bowl and sitting in a certain section of the kitchen. While I try and discover what the magic routine is this time, I let him have his little meltdown and attend to screaming Baby. 
Step 3: Neutralize one of the threats to sanity I feed Baby. This is an easy fix, and I am pretty much guaranteed he will be super happy afterwards for at least 10 whole minutes. 
Step 4: Return to the original problem and re-attempt damage control By this time I can usually hug the toddler and help him calm down. We can then reattempt the apple-giving and he will usually concede at least 1 of the requests (perhaps this time I can use the plate instead of the blue bowl) and be content.
Step 5: Accept the things you cannot change I know I cannot make Kitty sane. I also know I cannot keep my house clean. It's best to just abandon all hope that these things will ever be accomplished. 
Step 6: Attempt the task you need to get done Yesterday I actually was bouncing a bouncy-chair with my foot while baking muffins and keeping an eye on my toddler. This actually happened. For a second I felt like a pro. I mean, look how amazingly I am multitasking! 3 things at once! And muffins to boot...that's like Martha Stewart stuff right there. Then I remembered I hadn't showered in 2 days and my house looked like a bomb containing toys, food crumbs and random kitchen utensils had exploded. See step 5, and then make dinner.
Step 7: Once the kids are in bed, attend to your sanity Pour yourself a huge glass of wine, or cup of coffee or hot chocolate. Pat yourself on the back and say "Congratulations Mommy. You made it through another day."

Oh man, are they worth it! xo

Adjusting to the New Normal

Well, I have had 6 weeks now of being a mom to 2 boys under 2 years old. And no one has gone crazy. For the most part. 
Things were a bit harder with Peanut than I anticipated they would be. I didn't think jealousy would be much of an issue at 19 months, because he didn't really seem to "get it". Boy, was I wrong. But despite occasional bouts of "Baby...all done!" and getting upset when someone he wants to play with is holding the baby, Peanut has now become a tolerant big brother. He brings the baby his soother or blanket and he often tries to share his toys with him. It really helped to have Peanut "help" with the baby and really went a long way in easing that jealousy. 

The lack of sleep has not been that bad. This was one of the pluses of having the boys so close together; we are already used to the sleep deprivation. We had been spoiled for the last few months as Peanut sleeps through the night and well into the morning (he's not much of a morning person...takes after me). But for the most part the baby has been pretty decent at going back to sleep after nursing through the night. Let's hope I don't jinx it! 
The thing that has really suffered is cleanliness. In many ways. The house is pretty much a disaster. It seems like I can accomplish one task a day, but what's the point in having a clean floor amidst a disaster area?! It's hard to notice! And showers? Yeahhhhh....rrrriiiiiiighhhhht. Let me enlighten you with a scene from a recent (typical!) day. 
Here's the scene: 
Hubby enters from a long day at work. Zoom in on a disaster: toys strewn everywhere, an explosion of crumbs and remnants of a toddler's uneaten lunch littering the floor (and perhaps even the walls). The toddler in question is wearing one sock and pyjama bottoms. His top does not match (the evidence of a third dumping of milk all.over.everything). He is either crying/angry/screeching in delight/terrorizing the cat...basically anything but sitting quietly reading a book. The baby is in the midst of getting changed, having pooped all.over.everything. The husband looks at his wife. 
Hubby: (cautiously) Hi hon. How was your day? Me: OK I guess. Yours?  Hubby: OK. 
The husband begins to get his hopes up. He can smell that there is obviously something being made for dinner. That's something! 
Hubby: What's for dinner? Me: Freezer mystery.  Hubby: ...
Me: We are short on supplies and I haven't had time to make anything. So I went to the freezer and found a tupperware container of something. I am not sure what it is. Is it spaghetti sauce? Chili? Stew? The only thing I can say for sure is that it has been there a long time, and it's freezer-burnt. It's thawing now, and we'll know more in a few minutes.  Hubby: ... ... ... I love you. 
Me: Listen. I know that this looks bad. Like I didn't do anything all day. Like I probably just sat around letting Peanut wreak havoc on the house while I napped. But I actually did a ton today! (Proudly) I SHOWERED! 
(I proudly smile and wait for him to acknowledge that this is, indeed, a tremendous feat. That he knows that in order for me to accomplish this task, I had to orchestrate a grand series of events all culminating in the miraculous and elusive Tandem Nap. I then had to manage to get into the shower without the baby's radar detecting that personal hygeine was about to be performed, thereby resulting in an epic screaming session the moment my foot hits the water. This is epic!)
Hubby: ... ... ... I love you. 
Me: Oh look honey! Freezer Mystery has thawed enough that I can conclusively deduce that it is, in fact, chili. So we're having chili for dinner. 
End scene. 
Yes...this is the new normal. And we seem to be making our way through it just fine (for the most part). 
As an aside, I just want to thank the amazing women who have been dropping off meals for me and saving my husband from having to endure too many Freezer Mystery nights. You are angels, and have made my life so much easier. THANK YOU! 

SuperParent Adventures: Having a baby is hard on the relationship

Having a baby causes your relationship with your husband/partner/significant other to change in ways you don't really expect. At least, I never expected it. I read about some of them, but thought that it would never happen to us. We are really good at talking things out and we never argue. But you know what? There are going to be those times when you are just angry because they just. don't. get. it. And they are probably feeling the exact same way about you. Here's how it's been at our place: 
Baby is not sleeping well, and wakes up every 2 hours or so. 
Here's my perspective:
I am lying there resenting Hubby because I am the one that has to get up every 2 hours with the baby. Peanut HATES the bottle, and so I have to feed him. Also, Hubby has to work in the morning, so needs sleep. So it's my "job" to get up with Peanut and attempt to put him back to sleep every. single. time. Then, after having a night of no sleep, I have to get up and spend the day with Peanut. Which is awesome, but is also exhausting; changing diapers, keeping him occupied and happy, attempting to get him to nap (which is a challenge). And since he only seems to nap in about 45 minute intervals, there's not much I can do while he does nap. I definitely can't nap myself. Sometimes I get to shower. Most days I don't. Some days I can make a nice dinner. Others, it's frozen pizza. I rarely have time to do more than tidy up a room, or do some laundry. And this makes me feel guilty. Then, Hubby comes home and wants to have some time to himself, but all I want is a break. Then it's bedtime and we start the cycle all over again. And I know he wants to help me in any way he can, and that he loves us more than anything, and that he thinks this is hard too. But sometimes I feel so alone in this. 
Here's Hubby's perspective:
He is lying there frustrated and exhausted. He knows he can't feed the baby, and feels badly that I have to get up and do it, but he's got to go and put in 9 hours at the office 5 days of the week. He has to get up at 5am and usually doesn't get home until 5pm. His job is stressful and he has a lot of responsibility. He is exhausted from interrupted sleep, and from his job. He finally gets home and wants to spend time with us, but he needs some time to unwind from the day at the office. Also, the house is getting out of control and he'd rather have something tastier than frozen pizza. Again. He doesn't get why simple things like this can't be done when I am home all day. The last thing he feels like doing after a full work day is doing the dishes. Then it's bedtime and we start the cycle all over again. And he knows that taking care of Peanut is hard work, and that it's exhausting, and that I don't get very much sleep at all, and that I'm doing the best I can. But sometimes he feels so alone in this. 

We both have tough jobs. And unfortunately it's so incredibly difficult to see it from the other side while you are sleep deprived and stressed out. And sometimes it's too easy to just get annoyed with each other and frustrated and resentful. So that's why when Hubby made a delicious pasta dinner tonight, and we poured a glass of wine and ate at the dinner table at a leisurely pace (rather than trying to eat as fast as possible before the baby starts crying, or eating in shifts and tag-teaming it) it was such a breath of fresh air. It's so easy to get caught up in the baby, that we often forget to give each other much-needed love and support. It helps when one of us turns to the other and says "This is hard", or "Thank you so much for..." or just simply "I love you". 
I am one lucky woman to have such an amazing husband. And I think he's pretty lucky to have me too. 

 What a gentleman!
Photo by Images by Frost