So, Hubby and I were talking the other day that things have really changed for us now. Before, we just thought of what was best for ME, then it changed to what was best for US. Now, it's what is best for BABY. It's weird. Peanut is apparently the size of a banana, and right now the only way we know he is there is because I am fatter, and I have little kicks going on inside, sort of like Alien or something. But still, he is slowly but surely taking over our lives. And with that comes the Mommy Guilt that I am not doing things right.
For instance, the other day we were laying in bed, and Hubby asks "Do you think you should have the laptop on your belly?". If anyone else would have said this to me, my preggo monster would have gotten upset and something snarky would have come out. But, this was my dearest Hubby saying it, and all I could think was "I don't know. I am endangering our Peanut!" and promptly removed the laptop to a more awkward side position.
I know my dietary habits and physical activity level are definitely not ideal. Actually, they are probably the opposite of ideal. I mean, I ate poutine two days in a row. Two. Days. In. A. Row. That cannot be good. And my exercise is walking 2 blocks from the train station to work every day. So yeah, needless to say, I could definitely be putting a little more effort in there. And I sometimes forget to take my prenatal vitamins. GASP. I mean to do well, I really do. I want to be that perfect mommy that does absolutely everything right. It's just I have no willpower. Like most other things in life, I start doing something, and then old habit and general laziness set in. But this time it comes with the high cost of Mommy Guilt. Before, it was just me I was letting down. Now, it's me, Hubby, and Peanut (I sincerely doubt that Kitty is feeling let down in this situation. As long as she gets her laser pointer and I have a bath every now and then so she can worship the faucet, she is pretty content).
I realize that I can't be perfect, and that I am probably baking a perfectly fine little Peanut. In fact, the doctors keep telling me that is the case. I am not gaining too much weight, and all tests have come back normal. I know Hubby still loves me and thinks I am doing a fabulous job (after all, I am a pretty decent baker...), but it is really hard to let go of that nagging little voice that you are doing things ALL WRONG. And the trouble is that I know it is only going to get worse. Once Peanut arrives, then there are a million other things to feel guilty about. Everything you do is wrong, and there are people, and books, and doctors and TV shows there to tell you all about it.
But you know what? I must not be the only Mommy that feels this way, and we can't ALL be wrong, you know? So that means I am right some of the time. I can only do what I think is best. And I suppose that means that perhaps not giving into every craving (maybe once a week is sufficient for poutine?) and maybe busting out that prenatal yoga DVD once in a while would be small steps that would make me feel infinitely better and help to assuage the guilt for the time being. After all, we can't all be perfect, can we?