Today was not a good day. It is one of those times when I know that there was no real reason for me having an emotional meltdown of epic proportions, but I still did it anyway. And there was a reason, but I think I should have been able to deal with it better, perhaps.
Anyway, it was just one of those things. We had an appointment with the dietician for Peanut. He started to get upset at being in the room and being bored listening to this woman speak and the door was closed and he wasn't free to roam about and get into whatever little boy trouble he was wanting to. But it was sort of weird, since he started to thrash about and started head butting me. I say it's weird because he doesn't do this sort of thing normally. But we just so happened to be talking about the tantrums he throws while eating right at that moment. The same moment when he was doing all this flailing and head-butting and so it really looked like he was quite the problem child. And, while I admit he is sometimes very spirited and difficult to deal with, I wouldn't exactly say he has issues with behaviour. He is, after all, a 14 month old boy. It sorta comes with the territory. I was not blessed with a sweet and quiet child.
So, we get out of there and (FOOLISHLY) think it will be a good idea to go grab some dinner instead of going home to cook. Last time we had this brilliant idea, we ended up asking for our food to go and having to leave. Why we thought this would end differently, I have no idea. Especially as Peanut was already giving us many cues that he was not in the mood. I guess we thought that food might solve the problem. It did not.
As soon as we entered the restaurant (a family restaurant...not some fancy nice one. We aren't THAT crazy) he became a demon-child. I have never seen him act like this. He was the stereotypical "spoiled brat" that you see in movies. He was screaming and screeching. He was throwing things around. He was grabbing for things he has never grabbed for before and losing his mind when we said "no". It was like some one replaced my kiddo with someone else. Immediately I just felt so overwhelmed and frustrated. I felt like everyone was judging us and thinking what horrible parents we must be to have a child who acts so spoiled. Like it's common place that he would be allowed to drink Diet Pepsi, since he seems to be so intent on having it, and when he can't he loses his ever-loving mind and throws the biggest fit in the world.
And I know that if this was happening to the other family that was there, I wouldn't have judged them or rolled my eyes or think they were bad parents. I would have probably thought "Oh honey, we've been there" and felt bad for them. And I didn't see or hear anyone making comments. For all I know they probably were thinking "Oh honey, I've been there." But, I just felt like at that moment it was all too much. I literally burst into tears at the table. It was too late to order the food to go, so instead Hubby and I sat and ate our chicken while tears rolled down my face. And trust me...I am NOT a pretty crier. There are some women who look all sad and have tears roll down prettily and you think "Awww! She's crying! :( " Not me. I get super red and puffy and I start gasping and sobbing and you think "Ewwwww! She's crying!" Hubby just sat there not sure what to do. His previous experience probably told him that doing anything was futile. Especially when dealing with a pregnant woman. So he just tried to keep Peanut occupied and relatively quiet. This involved Peanut throwing rice around the table with his spoon. It looked like a rice bomb exploded.
So there we are: me, sobbing hideously while defiantly eating my chicken, Hubby nervously picking at his chicken while watching Peanut out of one eye and me out of the other to make sure we don't explode, and Peanut gleefully tossing rice at the neighbouring patrons while intermittently screaming in anger. Worst. Dinner. Ever. We barely even had the last bite in our mouth before we were asking for the bill and were out the door.
I lost it in the parking lot. Sitting in my car and sobbing seemed like the only solution. I mean, what else could I do? I honestly felt like the absolute worst parent at that moment. I felt like there was nothing left in my parenting arsenal that I could whip out. I was not one of those moms who is fun and never disciplines and has the most well-behaved kids. I was the mom who gives her kid crappy snacks as bribery to get him to stop screaming instead of eating dinner. Who will let him do almost anything just so he won't throw a fit in public. And I just felt like this is so NOT ME, not HIM, not US, but that no one in there knew that. And so I had a meltdown.
A few hours later I feel slightly better about the whole thing. I am no stranger to random meltdowns. Sometimes things just reach that point where you can't take it anymore, and it has to blow somehow. Well, it blew today. It blew a whole heck of a lot.
So, on to a new day! Although, I don't think we will be eating out any time soon. I think we all need a bit of recovery from that one. Yikes.
Not an hour later we are sitting on the floor folding laundry and Peanut is in the middle of it all, piling socks on his head. How can you not just want to squish him to bits?! I am one lucky mama, even when the going gets tough sometimes.
I'm Amy, and I'm a Mommy with nary a clue as to how to do this whole "parenting" thing. As a former traveler, I view this as another journey, although this time without a map, a plan or a clue! We call Canada home.