I have a lot of mixed emotions. I am logically thinking about all the what-ifs and am preparing for when we make that trip to the hospital. But emotionally I am still in denial that it's going to happen. The nursery is mostly finished (just have to hang one more thing), the clothes and bedding are all washed and clean and ready. We have all the essentials for when he comes home. We are attending the prenatal classes and Hubby has read the book about how to support me. We have the birth plan, we've done all the tests and the checkups. But still I feel like it's not real. I had a spell of contraction-y type things the other night when we went to the mall. The only thing running through my head was "Not yet!!". I feel like I have just gotten the hang of being pregnant. It's enjoyable! It's mostly predictable! It's even sort of fun! Birth and parenting? That's still all unknown territory.
|My big belly. Hubby's camera skills.|
Hubby and I were talking it through the other day. I think I feel this way because there is absolutely nothing that I can predict or plan (besides the fact that Peanut is eventually coming out). I have no idea when he will come, how labour will feel, how I will deal with labour, how the birth will go, what he will even look like, how we will do as parents, how the hospital stay will be, NOTHING! We can't plan a single thing. It's all out of our hands. For a controlling planner like myself, it's difficult to deal with.
At the same time, its super exciting that pretty soon we are going to meet this squirmy little guy who's been living in my belly. He's starting to get a personality in there (he gets hiccups lots, gets startled by loud noises, likes it when Hubby talks to him), and it's so cool to think that soon we are going to see him and he will be larger than life! (He literally might be larger than life...the doctor said the ultrasound report put him at "the upper-edge of normal for size"!!! EEP! I hope they mean length and not weight!!)
Now that Peanut is fully baked, we are just waiting for him to decide when it is a good time to meet us. I think the final thing I have been waiting to do in preparation is to pack my hospital bag. Well, that's on the to-do list for the day. The final hurdle before we are as ready as we can be for the greatest adventure of our life. It's a whole bunch of scary and exciting all rolled into one. WOO HOO!!