Monday, February 28, 2011

The Top 3 Things I Thought Would be Cool About Pregnancy

Ok, so when I was imagining being pregnant, before I was pregnant of course, I always imagined it as this awesome experience, and I was super excited about a few things. I suppose everything is much different in imagination land (or at least things are ALWAYS different in my imagination…) so not everything was exactly as I dreamed it would be. Here is what I was pumped about:

1.       The Clothes: I thought maternity clothes would be awesome. They always make the mannequins in the Thyme store look so cozy, fashionable and gosh-darned cute! When I saw them, I always said “I can’t wait until I am pregnant so I can shop there!”.  Also, it helps that the mannequins are perfectly proportioned with large, ample bosoms and a small, cute baby bump. No cellulite, of course. Just perky bums all around. I am still a little happy about mat clothes, but it’s not exactly for the reasons I envisioned before I got knocked up. First off, the cute little outfits in Thyme? Yeah, they cost a heck of a lot of money. And those are mid-range mat clothes. Also, the quality is not that stupendous for many mat clothes unless you are willing to pay a lot for them. Which I am not, as I will only be wearing them for a few months anyway. Also, all of the maternity pants for work seem to be made out of a stretchy, shiny fabric which means you can see EVERYTHING. Even if I wore a g-string with these pants, it would be clear as day. What the heck?! Why on earth would someone think a pregnant woman would want pants that accentuate the thigh/bum area? Even if you are a skinny super model, this material would make you seem nasty. However, there are some good things about maternity clothes. First is that there are tons of sales, and nothing makes me feel superior to the world than getting a steal of a deal on some overpriced clothing. Second is that they have these stretchy panels on the pants, and no flys or buttons or anything. So it is basically like wearing sweat pants all. the. time. It’s awesome. Also, it is kind of awesome when you start showing to have little outfits that show off your belly. As long as the shirts are long enough to hide the tight and shiny going on in the bum area…

2.       Excuse to do Anything: So, with all the stories that come with pregnancy, I thought I was going to get a free ticket to misbehave and be a demanding diva for 9 months. Not so. I haven’t really had any cravings or aversions at all, so I can’t send Hubby out to get Jamaican Me Crazy Ice cream, Cheese Doodles and Doughnuts.  And I can’t yell “PLEASE, take that chicken away or I will THROW UP!” all dramatic-like. I can throw up a lot though, just not because of certain food. It’s for no reason at all. Also, I have not had very many crazy mood swings, so I can’t be all diva like there either. Pretty much I am just a fatter, pukier version of myself. No drama or antics at all.

3.   Having people notice that you are preggers: I thought that this would be the best part. People would see you and smile and be so happy for you. They would go out of their way to make things easy for you and little birds would follow you around singing and helping you with chores. This is soooo not the truth. First off, in the 1st trimester I felt the worst. So incredibly exhausted and pukey and bloated and pretty much the worst ever. However, no one can tell you are pregnant, so you just look nasty and act nasty and you get no sympathy unless you have told people you are expecting. No one gives you their seat on the crowded train, no one smiles and there are definitely no birds. It’s more like people try and avoid you, but that’s because it looks like you just had a 3 day weekend with Jack Daniels and you are trying not to throw up all over them. Now that people know I am preggers, and I am starting to show, I find that attention from people is not really all that wanted. Most of the time people are happy, but they all ask the same questions, so you have to be happy and excited all the time, even if you still feel like puking any minute while answering for the 20th time that day if it is a boy or a girl and when you are due. These people are generally sweet and nice, and it is what I envisioned before I was pregnant, I just didn’t anticipate the fact that I don’t want to talk about being pregnant 24/7. Also, there are these people that exist out there who are waiting to give you unsolicited advice. They think you can’t actually function without their input. How you got this far without them, I don’t know. But they are your saviors. They do things like tell you about what’s good for the baby, and how you shouldn’t be drinking that, or eating that, or that you are doing everything wrong. If you breath, the baby will be disturbed and he will come out with 8 heads. It’s true. I heard about it on Dr. Oz. If you reply like you want to reply, then you are a bitchy preggo who needs to control her hormones. If you smile and take it, you want to explode and eat off her head, and I know THAT can’t be good for the baby. I have yet to have had to bring out the snide remarks, but I will. I have been looking for some good ones, so that I have standard responses to stupid comments. I know people are well meaning, but still. People need boundaries.

Those were the 3 major expectations I had for pregnancy. Obviously, the reality has been a little bit different. It has been a wonderful and exciting time, but it’s not exactly how I pictured it. Of course, I do have a problem with matching reality to my expectations in most areas of my life, so why would pregnancy be any different?

This week means we are about halfway through this whole journey, and that is so exciting, and a little bit scary at the same time. To think back on when I saw that plus sign seems like it was a million years ago. At the same time, thinking ahead to actually having the baby seems incredibly intimidating, and I wouldn’t mind if the next 20 weeks feel like forever as well…although I might be singing a different tune when I am as huge as a whale and my ankles are the size of tree trunks…guess we will have to wait and see!


  1. I'm in my 3rd trimester and number 3 is SO true. If someone else asks me if I'm nervous, I'm going to reply "yes, I am because pushing a turkey out of my vagina does not sound all that appealing." Oh and tbe high school interns at work look at me funny all the time, which makes me want to say, "Want to see my stretch marks, they will make you think twice about having sex...EVER!"

  2. Good ones! I haven't been asked if I am nervous yet...will have to keep that one in mind! :)


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